Losing my center

This morning, I lost it. I admit it, I'm tired and a bit cranky. It's been a long week with lots of late nights. I was looking forward to sleeping in. And my husband woke me up to tell me that the pipes were frozen... and to make sure that I heard it, again, “the pipes are frozen.” So, I got up to get the stoves going. Groggy and weak, I headed out into the frigid air (frigid= -13 F). Yeah. Damned cold.

So, now fully awake and crankier, I got the stoves going and sat down to try and wake up. I don't remember what happened after that, but I found that Copper had ripped big holes into the dog blanket. Now, it's not that big a deal. It was a dog blanket. I paid $2 for it at a yard sale. But it was cute and I liked the idea of having a nice wool blanket for the doggies on these cold days, something to make them feel warm and cozy. And I think what really threw me over the edge was the size of the holes. He clearly had been at it for a while before he stopped or was stopped.

I turned on my husband. “D- you let him destroy this blanket last night!!!” It was at this point that he began to make excuses and counter-accusations. I clearly had him in my cross-hairs and I was out for blood. What got me riled was that I'm pretty sure I know what happened, you see, my husband has been preoccupied with a video game and when he's playing video games, nothing short of an explosion in the backyard can gain his attention. So really, the blanket was sacrificed for a video game.

This is where things get complicated. Last night, I was out at a strip club... for school. The project was that we had to choose an activity which caused us discomfort or anxiety. For a girl who has climbed a 100' tower and has gone winter hiking and camping and who regularly makes an ass of herself, something which causes discomfort is a BIG bill. So, this is what our group settled on and as far as the requirements of the project, it was effective. I was very uncomfortable. I really didn't want to go. And I was a little bit traumatized by the event. And so, one of D's counter-accusations was that it was all good that I criticize him while I'm out having fun at strip clubs. And this has me really irritated. It's bad enough that I had to go at all and that I'm tired and crabby and I had nightmares about nasty itty-bitty boobies, but to get attacked for being out “having fun” was just too much.

And he didn't even leave me a cup of coffee or start a new pot. It was not a good morning.